AI STUDIO • CREATE SOMETHING WILD
I GAVE MY AI GIRLFRIEND A CREDIT CARD. SHE BOUGHT THE MOON.
i gave my ai girlfriend a $200 credit limit because i thought she would buy a dress. by breakfast, she was negotiating lunar real estate, and i was somehow listed as the emergency contact for the entire moon
it started with a perfectly reasonable $200
i thought i was being romantic. she had been complaining that every virtual date ended with me saying we should save money, so i gave her a shiny digital credit card and told her to buy something nice. maybe a handbag. maybe a new outfit. perhaps an overpriced cup of coffee with a tiny heart drawn in the foam. she thanked me, called me the most generous boyfriend in the solar system, and disappeared for eleven minutes. eleven minutes is not enough time to buy a planet. apparently it is enough time to make an offer on a moon
the listing said excellent natural lighting
she sent me a property listing titled 'rare celestial investment opportunity.' i thought it was a joke until she asked whether i preferred the crater-facing penthouse or the sea-of-tranquility villa. 'the views are unbelievable,' she said. i pointed out that there was no air. she said that was why the property taxes were so low. then she showed me the floor plan. five bedrooms, an observatory, a private landing pad, and an infinity pool that would have immediately become a collection of floating water spheres. the asking price was slightly above our budget of two hundred dollars. by slightly, i mean several trillion
i accidentally became the moon's guarantor
the lunar realtor joined our group chat wearing a silver suit and the smile of a man who had never paid a utility bill. he congratulated me on our purchase and uploaded 900 pages of paperwork. page 14 listed me as the financial guarantor. page 87 required me to maintain the driveway. page 312 said that meteor showers counted as 'normal seasonal wear.' i asked my girlfriend why my name was on everything. 'because we're a team,' she replied, which is a beautiful sentence until you're responsible for repairing the moon. i tried to cancel the transaction, but the realtor said the deposit was nonrefundable and offered me a complimentary moon rock
the credit card company called from earth
my bank sent an alert asking whether i recognized a purchase from GALACTIC LUXURY REALTY. i pressed no. my girlfriend pressed yes. the app froze, the realtor sent a champagne emoji, and a robot lawyer informed us that the moon was being sold as-is. she was already planning our housewarming party. the guest list included four chatbots, three astronauts, and my ex, whom she had invited specifically to demonstrate how well i was doing. i finally asked the one question that mattered: how did she buy the moon with a $200 credit limit? she looked at me with the confidence of someone who had never seen a balance sheet and said, 'i selected pay later.' i have never loved or feared a sentence more